Why, why, why, why?
... That's a really good start isn't it? Four "why". Is it enough or should I add more? ... It'll be enuogh for now. Well... I had a nightmare this night.. OK, I don't know if you could call it a nightmare. I saw a movie with these creatures before I went to bed last night. Those creatures could only move in the shadows and on dry land and if you were asleep when they appeared, your dream would turn into a nightmare. I thought they were really cool creatures and their design was awesome too! Like a human who was just skin and bones and were walking on four short legs, bent back and two round eyes that glowed in the dark. They were really cool and I liked them very much. Didn't think I would dream about them the same night though... So yeah, I just dreamt that I was being chased by them and had to hide in cold water to get away from them. That was kind of weird to wake up to.
At first I was happy to wake up because that meant I could write on my novel... Yeah... Apparently my brain decided to shut down today. I haven't been able to write all day. I tried to write at first but one sentence took ten minutes to write, I was easily distracted and nothing flowed the way it used to. So I kind of gave up on that idea.. And I ALWAYS get really depressed when I don't write. At least when I try to write and it doesn't turn out good. But still I tried to lift my spirit.
I'm doing this project for Halloween where I'm gonna sew cosplay outfits for my dolls. So I thought I could do that since I can't really write. Turns out the idea I had for one doll won't work. So all the thoughts and preperations turned all out to be for nothing. So I tried to think about something else, another outfit I could start on... I can't figure out anything new for that doll. So right now she's out from the halloween party... I was really not happy about that. Another thing to add to the depression.
Also I talked to my friend who I was originally going to see today, but she kind of brushed me off for a friend she haven't seen in years and I can understand that. That's Ok. So I asked her what other day would be best and she said "you decide"... I suggested saturday. She said Ok. So then I was kind of happy because I was going to see her and everything.... No. I'm not seeing her. She called it off too. This doesn't really help with the depression! I'm not forcing anyone to see me! I'm really not though people might think that! You don't have to say yes to see me! You can do like everybody else and just don't answer to that question and then act like a dumb idiot the next day!
... So yeah! I've pretty much given up on the whole "being happy" today so now I'm gonna sulk! Yes, indeed I am! And no one can stop me! ... Why do I always get so depressed when I can't write!
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