I kyou U

I support his work!! And I think you should do to!
I bought the "I kyou U" CD today and I feel so good, because I really want Takeru to continue this! It's so good! I managed to listen to this song for an entire day and I've never gotten tired of it! It's really good and... That's my tip of the day! ... I can't believe I'm going to have his CD in my possesion very soon! I never thought that would happen, but.. It did! Yay!

You can buy it at www.yesasia.com

Dealing

So much stuff is going on right now.. It feels like I'm on a fast rollercoaster and all these different kinds of sights are rushing through me and klings on to me. This is not how I wanted it at all.

So! I confronted my past two days ago. I thought the award would be huge because I felt so proud of myself that I took that step and confronted it and I talked through it without getting hurt... So because of that I now have an old friend back into my life... And I am freaking out! I'm scared that I'm going to have to go through the same thing again with her, but I'm trying to think: Maybe she has changed, maybe she has matured a little since the last time we spoke to each other.... So far this refound friendship has just brought back the memories of the three months of fighting we had. .. I'm freaking out!

I've also refound my inspiration again and so I'm rushing through sewing projects before that inspiration disappears again. I'm trying to sew as much as I can and as fast as I can because I want to do as much as possible before that inspiration goes away again. Sadly, not much writing... Which is what I really need to concentrate on, but we'll get there when we get there!

Also... Feelings. Yes, those too. I have strong feelings about someone. I think about that person everyday and all the time I just want to hold her and... You know the drill. Also I think she's straight.... Do I need to tell you more about how those feelings are twisting and turning inside me? I don't think so.

At the same time as I'm thinking about all of this, my mother comes home with a BIG SURPRICE! Which makes me feel really excited. So to sum up: I'm freaking out at the same time as I've strong feelings about a straight girl and I'm really excited... My heart feels like it's busting out of my chest and it hurts like hell! I confronted my past! Don't I get some kind of reward? It's not at all how the movies said it would be.

Dreams

I spend the night dreaming very realistic dreams... Did I really wake up from a nightmare having trouble to breath? Or was that just a dream? ... Is there really a horse show marathon on TV this monday? Or was that just a dream? ... I hate dreaming realistic dreams.

Season Depression

Oh, God I've been feeling like crap lately.

No inspiration, no motivation, nothing exciting really. I just, don't feel well and I hate it! I want to feel good, I want that spark to light inside me so that I can feel like I'm at least trying to accomplish something after I wake up, but... The light inside me is gone. I'm trying really hard to lit it, but... nothing.

I've been feeling like this ever since I got well from my sickness and that was about one month ago. However I think I'm feeling unispired because of the weather... We didn't get any snow and so it's just a boring brown and gray outside, not very inspiring at all. And because of that it's not very good environment to photograph in, therefore I don't really feel like sewing because what am I sewing for? And so I get a little depressed about that. That deppression is leading to another problem I am having, the writing. I had a very inspiring dream the other night which I am turning into a story, however because of the depression it's making me tired and so I don't really write very well, not as well as I can so I kind of gave up on the writing for now since anything I type comes out garbage. And when I don't write I get even more depressed.

So there's one depression after another and on top of each other and so right now I'm just waiting it out. Hoping the major deppression will go away once the weather is nice again and then I'll get my inspiration back. Right now... I'm just trying to give me a reason to get up in the mornings. It's not easy without motivation and inspiration, but I'm doing it. Doing things I normally won't have time for because of the sewing and the writing.

I'm probably not going to be updating here as much either.. It's not fun to just read "I'm deppressed." next day: "I'm deppressed again." The day before that: "Oh! Guess what! I'm deppressed again." ... I don't really feel like typing that. So I'm just going to tell you guys when I feel good again.

Have a nice day and if you have any snow.. Enjoy it! For me! Since I can't enjoy it, you have to enjoy it for the both of us! Okay? Good! Okay!

Strange cravings in the night...

... It's 1am... And I'm in the mood for bolognese sauce... I was planning to go to sleep soon! Not eating bolognese sauce! .. It's delicious but... Maybe not at 1am!

Good night everybody!

Summer, Autumn... Spring?

Where the hell did the winter go?!!! 

Hi, everybody! I'm recovering from a sickness right now and that's going pretty well. However, all November, December and January I've been waiting for lots of snow so that I can take lots of pretty pictures! Ever since I shot some nice photos of Ninnth in the snow I've been waiting a year for the winter to come back so that I can take more pictures of her... And what happens? 

We've had ONE WEEK of winter! And we didn't get much snow at all! It wasn't a nice weather to photograph in at all and it wouldn't look nice at all and so I didn't take any pictures assuming that it would be MORE SNOW since it just recently popped up! But.. What am I hearing now? THE FLOWERS ARE POPPING UP AND THERE'S NO SNOW LEFT ON THE GROUND! 

I live in fucking Sweden and we got ONE WEEK of snow! What the fuck?! .. Excuse my language but I'm really disappointed right now. God.. If this happens one more time.. I don't know what I'm going to do.. Grr! So, no winter pictures for this year.. It's really sad.. Hopefully I'll get some lovely spring photos but... 

I love photographing more in the winter because the colors of the clothes just pops! Any color in winter pops! In the spring and summer... They just blend into the background... Winter and Autumn is the best season to photograph in! ... Maybe not the best light, but it's the best color! Yes! ... I'm going to rest now so that I can get well again! Bye! 

The ground can't swallow you

Can I just disappear for a week? Please, can I? Just for a week? No? ... Fine!

Well! This coming week is not going to be great, I'm not looking forward to it, I don't want anything to do with it, it's just going to be a series of painful memories and ugly reminders of what have happened before and I really don't want that. Hopefully it'll pass quickly and when it's over I'll finally be able to breath and hopefully sleep properly.

Aside from that, what's happening in my life? ... Not much. I've decided to finally read the books that I bought some time ago.. I finally found some time to read them and I'm trying to read them as fast as I can because here's the crux: Since my writing is being slightly effected by everything I do I need to read one perticular book from one perticular writer and so I can't really write while I'm reading these books. So I'm trying to hurry very much so I can go back to that same book so that I can start writing again... It's probably complicated to understand but that's how it is, so... Yeah! I've finished one book, now I have two more to go and I've started on another book. So it's going pretty well. Hopefully I've finished them at the end of Febuary.

And yeah.. Not much to say really. Just trying to finish these books and... Yeah... A hard week is waiting for me and I'm really not looking forward to it. Yes. Hope you have it great with lots of posibilitys before you and.. Love your family! Bye!