Dealing

So much stuff is going on right now.. It feels like I'm on a fast rollercoaster and all these different kinds of sights are rushing through me and klings on to me. This is not how I wanted it at all.

So! I confronted my past two days ago. I thought the award would be huge because I felt so proud of myself that I took that step and confronted it and I talked through it without getting hurt... So because of that I now have an old friend back into my life... And I am freaking out! I'm scared that I'm going to have to go through the same thing again with her, but I'm trying to think: Maybe she has changed, maybe she has matured a little since the last time we spoke to each other.... So far this refound friendship has just brought back the memories of the three months of fighting we had. .. I'm freaking out!

I've also refound my inspiration again and so I'm rushing through sewing projects before that inspiration disappears again. I'm trying to sew as much as I can and as fast as I can because I want to do as much as possible before that inspiration goes away again. Sadly, not much writing... Which is what I really need to concentrate on, but we'll get there when we get there!

Also... Feelings. Yes, those too. I have strong feelings about someone. I think about that person everyday and all the time I just want to hold her and... You know the drill. Also I think she's straight.... Do I need to tell you more about how those feelings are twisting and turning inside me? I don't think so.

At the same time as I'm thinking about all of this, my mother comes home with a BIG SURPRICE! Which makes me feel really excited. So to sum up: I'm freaking out at the same time as I've strong feelings about a straight girl and I'm really excited... My heart feels like it's busting out of my chest and it hurts like hell! I confronted my past! Don't I get some kind of reward? It's not at all how the movies said it would be.